Preface: This blog post primarily focuses on cravings and relapse related to substance use, though the same principles can apply to other coping behaviors—such as disordered eating, over-shopping, or excessive screen time. Please note that I am not an expert on addiction, and the ideas presented here are not comprehensive or personalized. The emotional experiences discussed are typically acute, often arising in the immediate aftermath of grief, trauma, or major life transitions, when cravings tend to spike, and relapse is more likely. While the focus is on those already in recovery, it's important to acknowledge that some individuals may turn to coping behaviors like substance use for the first time after intense emotional experiences, even without a prior history of dependence.
How Grief and Trauma Fuel Cravings and Relapse
Grief, trauma, and major life transitions are profoundly destabilizing experiences that often push us toward familiar ways of coping. These adaptive strategies are habits or routines we turn to in order to manage distress. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, a breakup, a serious diagnosis, or another hardship, these experiences can ignite powerful cravings and, for some, lead to relapse—a return to behaviors that disrupt well-being after a period of progress.
Recovery isn’t a neat, straight line, especially when compounded by intense emotional experiences. Setbacks are common, and relapse, while discouraging, is part of the recovery process. It doesn’t signify failure. By understanding how grief and life transitions fuel cravings and relapse, we can learn to navigate these moments with greater compassion and flexibility.
Research Insights: How Loss and Trauma Trigger Cravings and Relapse
When we experience loss or major life transitions, the body ramps up stress hormones like cortisol, heightening feelings of anxiety and emotional overwhelm. Elevated cortisol levels have been shown to make us more vulnerable to cravings for substances that once provided temporary relief (Sinha, 2018).
Additionally, trauma and grief disrupt the brain’s dopamine system, which governs pleasure, motivation, and reward. During periods of emotional distress, dopamine levels drop, prompting the brain to seek out quick fixes—whether through substances like alcohol or drugs, or behaviours such as compulsive eating or over-shopping. While these provide short-lived relief, they ultimately reinforce a cycle of craving and relapse (Volkow et al., 2019; Koob, 2015). The brain’s natural instinct to restore balance can inadvertently drive us toward unhealthy coping mechanisms, even when we're well along in recovery.
Recognizing these triggers allows us to see cravings and relapse not as failures but as natural physiological responses to stress. By becoming more attuned to these vulnerabilities, we can treat cravings and relapse like passing guests—acknowledging their presence without allowing them to overstay their welcome in our lives.
Using the HALT Method to Address Cravings and Relapse
One helpful tool for recognizing cravings and potentially preventing relapse is the HALT method. HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired—four basic human states that can make us especially vulnerable to substance use or cravings. These states often get amplified during periods of intense stress, which is why it’s crucial to check in with yourself regularly (Nunes, 2021).
Hungry: Physical hunger can often be mistaken for emotional hunger. When our nutrition is neglected, we become more prone to using substances to fill the void. Balanced meals help stabilize mood and prevent spikes in cravings.
Angry: Anger that goes unexpressed can simmer and fuel cravings as a way of self-soothing. Find constructive outlets for anger, whether through physical activity, creative expression, or talking with someone who can listen without judgment.
Lonely: Isolation magnifies grief and trauma. In moments of deep loneliness, the urge to turn to substances for comfort can feel especially strong. Reaching out to friends, family, support groups, or a therapist can provide the connection and support you need.
Tired: Fatigue depletes emotional capacity. When we’re exhausted, it’s harder to manage cravings and resist relapse. Prioritizing rest and sleep—even when it feels impossible—recharges your emotional batteries, helping you feel a bit more steady and stable.
This is just one tool that can be used to supplement your recovery. When done consistently, HALT hones the skill of mindfulness—the practice of bringing your attention to the present moment with curiosity and without judgment. Mindfulness helps you recognize cravings as they arise and respond to them thoughtfully rather than reactively.
The Cycle of Shame, Isolation, and Relapse
Shame plays a significant role in the addiction-cravings-relapse cycle. It often creates feelings of worthlessness, leading people to isolate themselves. This isolation deepens the shame, further fueling cravings and relapse, and the cycle repeats itself (Dearing & Tangney, 2011).
Shame tells us we are unworthy of connection, creating barriers that make it harder to reach out for support. The antidote to shame is doing the opposite of what it urges—seeking help, mobilizing even in small ways, and embracing vulnerability. However, it's essential to recognize that being open and vulnerable isn't always safe or possible for everyone. In those cases, finding ways to protect yourself while still taking steps toward connection and support is key.
How Social Norms Impact Coping with Cravings and Relapse
Social norms around substance use can play a significant role in how we cope with grief and trauma. In many cultures, substances like alcohol are commonly used to manage pain or stress. When grieving, people might suggest you “have a drink” to numb the pain or calm your nerves. While these suggestions are often well-meaning, they can reinforce unhealthy coping mechanisms, making it harder to maintain recovery.
Because it’s easy to lean into social norms, it’s important to assess your limits beforehand and develop a plan for managing cravings in social settings. This plan can include an exit strategy and should be tailored to your specific needs. Social gatherings, especially when you’re dealing with grief, trauma, or cravings, can be challenging. Comparing yourself to others may easily trigger a shame spiral, but remember that your journey is unique. If you have a trusted confidant or sponsor, consider reaching out for support before, during, or after these situations—it can make a meaningful difference.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Grief and trauma can bring up feelings of shame, self-doubt, or self-criticism, especially if you're struggling with cravings or relapse. Practicing self-compassion during these times is essential.
Honor Your Emotions: Acknowledge that what you’re going through is tough, and give yourself permission to struggle. Our brains are wired to cling to negative experiences (like Velcro) while letting positive ones slip away (like Teflon). But self-compassion is a skill that, like learning an instrument, takes time and practice. Celebrate your achievements, even the small ones.
Challenge Self-Criticism: It’s easy to be your own harshest critic, but try to treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Setbacks are a normal part of recovery and don’t define your worth. The road to self-compassion is gradual, so be patient with yourself.
Engage in Supportive Practices: Finding what resonates with you is key. For some, journaling or guided self-compassion meditations may help, while others might find comfort in reaching out to friends and family for support. Another helpful practice is reflecting on simple joys from your past. Ask yourself, “What did I enjoy doing as a child?” Whether it’s a vivid or fragmented memory, follow that thread. How can you bring that activity into your life now to spark joy, comfort, or stability?
Exploring Pathways Forward
Seeking recovery-specific support is important, but addressing the underlying causes of your pain is vital. Treating cravings or relapse without processing your grief or trauma is like putting a band-aid on a deep wound—it may cover it for a while, but the pain underneath still needs healing. If your cravings or relapse are tied to loss, trauma, or transitions, processing these experiences can be a key milestone in your recovery journey.
Recovery isn’t a one-size-fits-all process. There are various pathways to help manage cravings and relapse:
Harm Reduction, Treatment Centres, and 12-Step Programs: These approaches provide structured support for addiction-based recovery and vary widely in their methods and effectiveness. They are context-specific and should be explored to find what fits best for your needs.
Individual Therapy: Personalized therapy offers a safe space to address underlying issues contributing to cravings and relapse. It provides tailored support and strategies suited to your unique situation.
Back to Basics: Focusing on fundamental self-care—like getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying physically active within your means and ability—can make a significant difference. I acknowledge that accessing these basics might be challenging, but even small steps towards self-care can have a positive impact.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but a great place to start.
Moving Forward with Support
If grief, trauma, or a major life transition has triggered cravings or relapse, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Addressing these triggers is a crucial step toward recovery. As a Registered Nurse Psychotherapist specializing in grief counselling and trauma-informed therapy, I’m here for residents of Ontario. Book a free 15-minute consultation call with me today, and let’s find your path forward together.
References
Dearing, R. L., & Tangney, J. P. (2011). Shame in the therapy hour. American Psychological Association.
Harrop, E., Mann, M., Semedo, L., Chao, D., Selman, L. E., & Byrne, A. (2020). What elements of a systems’ approach to bereavement are most effective in supporting those bereaved through COVID-19? A rapid evidence assessment. Palliative Medicine, 34(9), 1165-1176. https://doi.org/10.1177/0269216320946274
Koob, G. F. (2015). The dark side of emotion: The addiction perspective. European Journal of Pharmacology, 753, 73-87. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ejphar.2014.11.044
Sinha, R. (2018). Role of addiction and stress neurobiology on food intake and obesity. Biological Psychology, 131, 5-13. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2016.11.012
Nunes, E. V. (2021). The HALT method: Understanding and managing cravings in addiction recovery. Journal of Substance Use Disorders, 29(3), 245-252.
Volkow, N. D., Wang, G.-J., Tomasi, D., & Baler, R. D. (2019). The addictive dimensionality of obesity. Biological Psychiatry, 85(5), 307-309. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2018.10.008