Honouring Systemic Factors in Choice-Making
Before diving into how emotions can trap us and what we can do to break free, it’s essential to acknowledge that systemic factors—such as socioeconomic barriers, discrimination, and other social determinants—can significantly impact our ability to make choices, often limiting our options and making it harder to shift emotional states or behaviors.
I recognize the diverse challenges clients face and want to honour that reality. The suggestion to make a choice is never meant to oversimplify the complexity of any situation. When discussing emotional responses, it's important to remember that some barriers are beyond individual control. This blog will explore ways to navigate mood congruence and emotional inertia (which will be explained later), while considering the larger systems that influence all of us.
Why Emotions Can Keep You Stuck (And How to Break Free)
To understand why emotions can feel so trapping, it’s important to first clarify the difference between emotions and feelings. While often used interchangeably, they represent different layers of our experience. Emotions are automatic, biological responses triggered by external stimuli, including happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust—each serving distinct evolutionary purposes. In contrast, feelings are the interpretations of these emotions, shaped by our individual experiences and cultural context. For instance, sadness might translate into feelings of grief or loneliness depending on the context and personal narrative we attach to it, often through an automatic or unconscious process.
Additionally, if you feel sadness, you might unconsciously believe that sadness is something to avoid, leading to anxiety based on a narrative you didn’t consciously choose. This interpretation can trigger a cycle of avoidance behaviors and increased anxiety, reinforcing the sadness and creating a loop that feels difficult to escape.
Understanding this distinction helps us grasp why we sometimes get caught in emotional loops that feel inescapable—and what we can do to change it. This awareness empowers us to challenge our automatic interpretations and explore more adaptive ways to respond to our emotions.
Two Sides of the Same Coin: Mood Congruence and Emotional Inertia
Mood congruence is the psychological phenomenon where your current emotional state influences what you notice and how you interpret your surroundings. If you're feeling ashamed or embarrassed, you might focus on every memory you consider “cringey” or humiliating, intensifying those feelings (Mennen, R., de Raedt, R., & Koster, E. H., 2021).
For our ancestors, this mechanism likely heightened awareness of danger or threats. For instance, emotional displays of sadness may have signaled to the tribe that someone needed support. From an evolutionary perspective, withdrawing or conserving energy during low moods might have saved resources for recovery or future challenges (Nesse, R. M., 2019). However, in the modern world, these emotional mechanisms can spiral, leading to cycles where distressing emotions perpetuate themselves.
Emotional inertia is another factor that contributes to feeling stuck in a particular emotional state. This refers to the tendency of emotions to persist, making it difficult to transition into a different mood once you're in the grip of a powerful feeling (Suls et al., 2019). Think of it as emotional momentum—it’s easier to stay in the same state than to shift gears.
How Long Do Emotions Actually Last?
Interestingly, research shows that the physical experience of an emotion is fleeting. According to neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, the lifespan of an emotion in the body is 90 seconds. After that, any continuation of that emotion is due to our thoughts feeding the initial feeling (Taylor, 2008).
If an emotion lasts only 90 seconds, why do we feel sad or angry for hours, days, or even longer? This is where emotional inertia and mood congruence come into play. Once the emotion is triggered, our thoughts take over, replaying the situation and layering interpretations on top of that brief physical reaction. It’s these stories and interpretations that keep the emotion alive far beyond its natural lifespan.
From a neuroscience perspective, your brain’s tendency to fixate and replay the situation is an attempt to plan, control, or prevent future pain. This constant replaying can trick your brain into believing that the threat is ongoing, thereby prolonging the emotional response. Research shows that the amygdala, involved in processing emotions, can remain active long after the initial stimulus, especially when the brain perceives unresolved threats (LeDoux, 2015). Essentially, your mind is trying to protect you by solving a problem that may no longer be present, inadvertently trapping you in a loop of emotional distress.
Breaking Emotional Cycles: Opposite Action
One effective way to interrupt emotional inertia and mood congruence is through opposite action. Developed in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), this technique involves doing the opposite of what your emotional state urges you to do. If you're feeling depressed and want to withdraw, opposite action might mean forcing yourself to reach out to a friend or take a walk outside, even though it feels counterintuitive (Linehan, 2015).
In a therapeutic context, opposite actions refer to activities that are nourishing, enriching, and generative—actions that contribute positively to your well-being without causing harm or having a high cost to your health. These small actions can create a shift in your emotional state, helping you build momentum toward a more balanced mood. Over time, this practice can weaken emotional inertia, allowing more flexibility and resilience in your emotional responses.
Another strategy involves making choices, even small ones. Neuroscientific research suggests that taking control over even minor decisions—like what to wear or what to eat—can activate the brain’s reward circuitry, creating a sense of empowerment and shifting you out of fear-driven emotional states (MacDougall, 2020).
The brain operates with both a fear circuit and a joy circuit, and these cannot be active simultaneously. When you’re in a fear circuit, your brain is focused on survival, making decision-making feel nearly impossible. This is why opposite action is so powerful—it helps override the fear circuit by encouraging you to act despite the resistance, thereby activating the joy circuit and creating a positive feedback loop. This shift not only disrupts the emotional inertia but also re-engages your brain’s ability to make decisions more effectively (Rolls, 2014).
Regulating and Relating to Emotions
In my practice, I emphasize the importance of relating to emotions rather than solely focusing on regulating them. While emotional regulation is a valuable skill, especially in moments of crisis, overemphasizing control can lead to an unsustainable fixation on emotional mastery.
Relating to emotions means connecting with them—along with your body and environment—without immediately trying to change or suppress them. This approach fosters a healthier relationship with your emotions, making them less likely to persist in unhelpful ways.
However, regulating emotions is essential in acute situations. For example, if you’re feeling anger during an interpersonal conflict and fear you might react harmfully, regulating in that moment is crucial. Pausing, deep breathing, taking space, or using other regulatory strategies can help you respond rather than react, ensuring your actions serve your well-being. It’s easier said than done, but it’s a worthwhile endeavor.
It’s important to note that emotional expression—through vocalizations, body movements, dialogue, or art—is vital to emotional health. The goal of regulation is not to suppress emotions but to manage their intensity so you can express them safely. In the above example, after regulating, you can relate to the anger by asking, "What is this anger teaching me?" or "What does it reveal about my boundaries, values, and needs?" This way, you honor the emotion.
Balancing regulation with relating creates a compassionate approach to emotional well-being, where regulation manages immediate intensity and relating fosters long-term resilience.
Finding Balance: When to Sit With Emotions and When to Act
Not every emotion requires immediate action, but knowing when to engage versus when to sit with your feelings can be tricky. As a general rule, when feelings persist, it’s worth checking in to see if they’re keeping you stuck when you don’t want to be.
Practical Steps:
• Step 1: Pause and Reflect – Identify what you’re feeling, and acknowledge any judgment that arises. You can do this by journaling, talking to a trusted confidant, using an emotions/feelings wheel to find the right language, or any other method that helps you reflect. Describe this feeling in both your mind and body, and ask yourself, "What might this emotional stuckness be telling me?" Then, envision what you’d do if you weren’t feeling stuck.
• Step 2: Challenge Your Thinking – Consider whether your thoughts are reinforcing the emotional state or if external factors are contributing. Assess whether you’re experiencing discomfort and resistance (which is normal) or if you’re in real danger (which may require emergency planning rather than opposite action).
• Step 3: Take Opposite Action – Engage in a small activity that contradicts the emotion and aligns with your values, even if just for a few minutes.
Remember, emotional flexibility is a skill. The more you practice shifting your thoughts and actions, the easier it becomes to break free from emotional inertia.
The Power of Intentional Actions
Taking specific actions—within your means and abilities—such as moving your body, engaging in a hobby you love, spending time in nature, or being with supportive people, has real physiological and neurochemical benefits that can help lift emotional inertia. Here’s why these actions matter:
• Movement: Physical activity releases endorphins, natural mood lifters. It also helps reduce cortisol, the stress hormone, creating a sense of relief and increased well-being (Salmon, 2001).
• Hobbies: Engaging in activities you love stimulates dopamine release, associated with pleasure and reward. This can shift your focus from unhelpful ruminations to something more fulfilling (Heller & Casey, 2016).
• Nature: Spending time outdoors has been shown to reduce stress, improve mood, and even lower blood pressure. Nature exposure can also enhance cognitive functioning and increase feelings of calm and connectedness (Bratman, Hamilton, & Daily, 2012).
• Supportive Social Interactions: Connecting with loved ones boosts oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," which promotes bonding and reduces stress. Social support is a key factor in emotional resilience (Feldman, 2012).
• Music: Listening to music, especially tunes that resonate with your emotions, can regulate your mood by triggering the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin (Chanda & Levitin, 2013).
These actions are not just distractions—they are powerful tools that help rewire your brain's emotional responses, providing genuine shifts in your emotional state and breaking the cycle of emotional inertia.
Creating Your Emotional Toolkit
A personalized “toolkit” is a collection of strategies and activities that have helped you feel more aligned in the past—tools you can turn to when you’re struggling. It’s important to create this toolkit when you’re in a good headspace, as it can be difficult to think clearly and creatively when you're feeling stressed.
Keep in mind that you might not feel like using these tools in the moment, and they don’t have to be grand or profound—sometimes the simplest or most unconventional strategies are the most effective if they work for you. Below are a few examples of what some of my clients keep in their toolkits that you can use as inspiration:
Cuddling your pet
Screaming into a pillow
Taking a shower
Booking a therapy session
Dancing
Connecting with a friend
Eating a treat with positive memories
Getting sunlight on your face
Reading an affirming note you wrote for yourself
Having this toolkit ready ensures you have practical, personalized strategies to help navigate difficult emotional states.
Moving Forward
If you need additional support to navigate stuckness and intense emotions, therapy can be immensely helpful. If you’re navigating grief and/or trauma after losing someone who hurt you, know that it’s okay to seek help. As a Registered Nurse Psychotherapist specializing in grief counselling and trauma-informed therapy, I’m here for residents of Ontario. Book a free 15-minute consultation call with me today, and let’s find your path forward together.
References
Bratman, G. N., Hamilton, J. P., & Daily, G. C. (2012). The impacts of nature experience on human cognitive function and mental health: A review. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1249(1), 118-136. doi:10.1111/j.1749-6632.2011.06400.x
Chanda, M. L., & Levitin, D. J. (2013). The neurochemistry of music. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 17(4), 179-193. doi:10.1016/j.tics.2013.02.007
Feldman, R. (2012). Oxytocin and social affiliation in humans. Hormones and Behavior, 61(3), 380-391. doi:10.1016/j.yhbeh.2012.01.008
Heller, A. S., & Casey, B. J. (2016). The neurodynamics of emotion: Delineating typical and atypical emotional processes during adolescence. Developmental Science, 19(1), 3-18. doi:10.1111/desc.12381
LeDoux, J. E. (2015). Anxious: Using the brain to understand and treat fear and anxiety. Viking Press.
Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
MacDougall, M. C. (2020). The neuroscience of decision-making. Oxford University Press.
Nesse, R. M. (2019). Good reasons for bad feelings: Insights from the frontier of evolutionary psychiatry. Dutton.
Rolls, E. T. (2014). Emotion and decision-making explained. Oxford University Press.
Salmon, P. (2001). Effects of physical exercise on anxiety, depression, and sensitivity to stress: A unifying theory. Clinical Psychology Review, 21(1), 33-61. doi:10.1016/s0272-7358(99)00032-x
Suls, J., Green, P. A., & Hillis, S. L. (2019). Emotional inertia: A key to understanding psychological change and stability. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 28(2), 187-193. doi:10.1177/0963721419827524
Taylor, J. B. (2008). My stroke of insight: A brain scientist’s personal journey. Viking Press.